Trust

Trust, a funny word with a deep meaning.

On most case, I preferably say that trust is like fingernails, useful, hard, soft, easily clipped.
It's really funny because when i was younger, this is just some other BS, and then again as age eats me, it makes me thinking why can't I clip those, but always other people seem to cut my fingernails.

True they always grow everyday and we must cut them if they starts to rage and uncontrollable.
Sometimes when someone has to cut my fingernails for some good reason they have, I just never want to have those fingernails growing again. And at other time in my age, i got new insight that it is okay to clip that nails a little just to make it more beautiful, true when the cut is too deep on the flesh, it may bleed, it may scratch, and only time will heals.

I started to think, what is it in me that people want to cut my fingernails so bad.
Is it my attitude, is it my wrong doings? Or is it just plain karma?

God will never give answer to these questions, but The Almighty gives another way, you know that God works in a funny way that human can even logically interpret, but what?

I'm not asking for much, just a clarity, when did I do wrong.
Am I not worth of having a fine fingernails without having someone close to me accidentally or on purpose cut them?

Current mood song

Ed Sheeran - Lego House

Yes, But, and And Also

Hi, i just want to express a simple phrase that means a lot to my feeling right now


Yes I am a fool, klutz, jester, clown, and whatever, But I am not stupid, and also, I do have a heart and consciousness.

breakeven

it is not easy being a human with emotions
thus it is very hard that we need to live with problems too

i know that a lot of people has problems of their own, even much more worse problem compared to mine
but how does one manage to keep cool despite of the problem he has?
how does one act so carelessly around the people who has their own problem?
ignorance? it's a bliss, i tell me.
how does one changes from his carelessness and take a step toward becoming a better person?

i'm aware it is not my power to judge people, but that got me thinking neither did they.
but my real question tonight, how am i going to take a step next time?

The Grief of The Jester

the night is colder than usual

the breeze is sharper than any day

the douse of rain is shattering the bones

 the knight always come to rescue the princess

yet the jester remains the same

amusing, entertaining, but then again, a fool

alone on his mule, yet the jester feels nothing

nothing but pain, loneliness, and grief

with the fake smiles and heartwarming jokes he lives on

needn't know of the truth, blindsided, and duped

the jester can't find any light of divinity

yet again the duty of a jester is to amuse

rumors yet to come

about the knight in shining armor and the princess

unaware of the jester's presence,

yet again the jester is a fool

exiled feeling are all the feeling he felt

the only thing he knows best is to entertain

setting aside his own deep feelings

gathering attention, cope along with the knight and the princess

little did they know, the jester needed more

day by day hungry for awareness the jester lives in despair

as days gone by, withering hope is all he can have

shimmering pages have left and not a single thing he get

other's laughter is his pleasure but deep inside, he breaks down

the more pages i read the more I wept

after all I am the Jester

Dear You Both.

I'm utterly mad. Like, Seriously.